CALENDAR

I received my 2008 planner calendar today. I had been using photocopied sheets that I had poked holes in so they would fit the binder in my planner, so it was really nice to get the actual calendar. I keep looking for the symbolism in receiving my calendar, but I guess some things just are what they are.

I got my 5 foot tall jewelry box filled last night! Well, it's not filled, but I have all my jewelry in there now. I didn't know I had so many necklaces. When I get back from Montana, I'll take a picture of it. It's so cool!

We are going to Montana for 5 days. I think I want to have a sledding party. One thing is holding me back: my weight. I aniticipate feeling a lot better this time next year. I will be able to run and climb and fit in movie theater seats a lot better! I WILL do this. I have a week scheduled at Bally's when I get back and then a week after THAT, I have a week scheduled at 24 Hour Fitness. We'll see which one fits me better. I'm going to prepare a pro and con list to help me figure it all out. TJ suggested Curves, but I don't think that's intense enough for me.

There's still a cloud over the holiday season, what with the rift with Chrissy. It's amazing to me how Greg's request for a discussion about how we, as a family, want to handle protocol for being late has turned into the silent treatment. I'm also amazed at how long this could be/is dragging out. Life is too short. Let's figure it out, please, and move on.

A NEW BEGINNING

It's only a day after Christmas and I am readily anticipating the start of a new year! 2008 will hold challenges, I'm sure, but I also believe it will hold incredible blessings. Here are a few of my hopes for the new year:

• Increased fitness for both Greg and myself.
• Attend Scarlett's wedding in May.
• Evaluate my career choices.
• Celebrate Greg's college graduation.
• Further develop my beliefs about God, love, and compassion.
• Pay attention to others and anticipate their needs.
• Be more relaxed.
• Continue to become comfortable in my own skin.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

The phone call went like this:
Her: I'm calling to let you know I'm getting in later than 6:45 tonight.
Me: Oh! I thought your flight got in at 3:00.
Her: No. It was always going to be 6:45, but now there are delays and we won't get in until 9:00 so I'm just going to go to my mom's. Would you let Kammers know that I won't be there tonight?
Me: Sure! No problem! Boy, we're going to Montana next week so we probably won't see you until after the New Year.
Her: I know - crazy, huh?
Me: Yep.
Her: Well, I love you. Oh, and you probably don't know, but when Greg deposited the child support, was it check or cash?
Me: I don't know. Sorry.
Her: That's ok. Love you. Bye.
Me: Love you too. Bye.

I'll be so glad when Christmas 2007 is behind us.

It's God's world - we just live here.

That was the message of my weekend. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I feel like God is messing with me, even though I know rationally that that's not part of His character. I do feel like my faith is stretched. In other words, learning about giving up trying to control everything to the point of micro managing. This last week, I had lists and schedules for EVERYTHING! Looking back, it was kind of ridiculous.

It's amazing the kind of pain you can feel from being a parent type. No matter what, I love Chrissy with all my heart, even if our Christmas didn't happen. And I know this is a rough time for her too. She is transitioning into adult hood. With freedom comes responsibility and that's hard for everybody.

In my mind, respect is a huge part of love and when you have differing priorities, it's hard to understand where the other one is coming from. Chrissy seems to value money over time and effort and we are vice versa. That's hard. But I know we'll find a happy medium. It's just going to take time. And faith. Faith that God is with us. Faith that He wants us to be at peace. Faith that things will be ok.

IT'S A GOOD DAY

It's a good day, and here's why:

• 7 Layer Burritos at T Bell


• A phone call from my husband where the phrase "I love you" was said no less than 6 times.


• Claw clips


• Kleenex


• Red purses (of course, I can only find a black picture of the one I just bought)


• Freedom of speech

Now go and enjoy your day!

MYSTERY SOLVED!

I've always wondered what kind of illegal dealings someone in my life must have. She always has loads of money, expects others to have loads of money, is a snappy dresser, owns luxury cars and lives in expensive homes. And yet.

And yet, there has never been a clear money trail. How is she able to maintain this lifestyle?

When rocks are overturned and the mud holds the answer, questions are put to rest.

Answers. Finally.

TIS THE SEASON . . . OF GIVING

At work, we have decided as a department that rather than giving each other gifts, we would sponsor a family this year. It's amazing what's happened.



There are only 10 of us so initially, we thought we would sponsor one family. Then, we decided we could do like one family of three and a senior citizen. So that's what we signed up for. When we called the family of 3, we found out they were actually a family of 6. But we were up for the challenge. We collected food and funds over the course of about 8 weeks and in the end, we had 25 boxes of food and over $300! Just from our little department! And it's a good thing we had all that food because we were made aware of another person who desperately needs food so we did 5 boxes of food for that person. Wow.



Yesterday, we were finalizing all the preparations because we are delivering to the families on Monday. One of my co-workers said she'd like to get the 2 boys (ages 10 & 12) scooters. Great idea. But she was concerned about getting them helmets. So I did some research and I'm so excited to say that Mike Morris at Legacy Emanuel Hospital has donated 2 new bike helmets so that the boys will be safe as they cruise on their new scooters.



Emanuel Hospital has a special place in my heart. That is where my godson, Aaron, spent the first 2 months of his life. When he was born, he weighed 2.5 pounds. Yes, 2.5. The people at Emanuel were great then and they continue to touch me with their generosity.



In this season of hectic schedules, holiday traffic, and franticly running around to find that perfect gift, it's fulfilling to get back to the basics of putting love in action.

GREAT first dance!

Follow this youtube link to see THEE FUNNIEST first dance at a wedding EVAH!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeoi16lScf4

UNTITLED

I'm calling this "untitled" because as I think of the last few days' events, I don't know how to sum them up.

Last night, my mom told me that her cousin committed suicide on Sunday. I never met him. My mom wasn't close with him. But ya know, when someone makes the choice to kill themselves, you always ponder the meaning of life, what led someone to do that, what about those left behind, what about my own mortality, etc etc.

Then yet another revelation. Someone I care about deeply told me he's been struggling with addiction issues for about 15 years. First, it was alcohol; then, alcohol and crack. He is in recovery (has been for the last 3 years) and is living with his sponsor so he's in a good place. But it just blew my mind. I knew he had struggled with his sexual identity, but I had no idea about the addictions. Not that I SHOULD have, you know? It's his business. But I was just really overwhelmed about what I was hearing.

After that, I discovered that another loved one, who has my heart and whom I thought I knew really well, has passions and interests that we've never talked about. It made me scared to think that maybe we don't know each other. This person's passions aren't MY passions, but I don't think that's a requirement for love. However, I do worry that there won't be ENOUGH common ground between us to maintain the love we have. Well, the love would be there, but I worry that it would be superficial. Sometimes, I don't know how to have friendships with people whose ideals are different from mine, but I so badly WANT to! Lord, help me have an open mind and heart.

And then there's Christmas. It's usually a really enjoyable time for me, but for some reason this year has been a struggle. I'm alone a lot, which I don't care for, but I feel like I don't have ENOUGH alone time. Doesn't make any sense! I just want to get back to the basics of the reason for the season; Jesus' birth, family, well - that's it, really. I was going to write caroling, celebrations, etc. but really, the TRUE BASICS are Jesus & family. Keeping it simple can seem so easy, but I guess this season, I'm going to have to be very intentional about it.

BBBS "Kids Read to Dogs" Event!

NEED VS. WANT

Recently, a friend asked me, "Do you need to be busy all the time?" The question gave me pause. Do I NEED to be "busy" "all the time." Well, let's see. I like being with people. My experiences in life are enriched when they involve other people. I enjoy an active pace, active schedule. I don't want to miss out on anything or anyone. I have an appreciation for life and its "temporal-ness." But do I NEED to be busy all the time? No. And I would argue that it's not a matter of being busy all the time. It's a matter of feeling alive. As my mom wrote in her blog, if you're not changing, you're stagnating. That's not an option, as far as I'm concerned. Evolution is a good thing. So is being with the ones you love.

So in answer to the question, I CHOOSE to live life to the fullest.

NIGHT ON THE TOWN

A couple of hours after I went to a fun leftovers party at Jeff & Kelly's, Joelfre, Jen, and I went to the movies. We saw Margot at the Wedding. A fellow movie goer said it best: "2 hours of dysfunction is a lot for me." But it was an interesting movie. I don't usually like Nicole Kidman, but she was really good. The movie didn't get over until about 11:30 so we went to South Park for drinks and gnosh. I highly recommend their Tuscan Coffee and the Farmer's Platter.

Meanwhile, the muscle relaxers are finally starting to alleviate Greg's back pain. He gets a massage tomorrow (thanks, Jen), which we hope will further help the healing process. I was soooo happy that he went to the doctor today!

FALL YUMMY-NESS!

I made a Pumpkin Cheesecake Dessert today! It was the first time I'd made it and I must say, it was tasty! The recipe calls for optional nuts in the topping. I used coarsely chopped pecans. Oh yeah. Definitely. Just make sure you make this either the day before you're going to serve it or early enough the day of that it has plenty of time to cool at room temp (which I found was the longest part of the whole process) and THEN chill for an hour or more. I was taking it to a party, so I cheated and tried to fast set it in the freezer. It didn't set up like a cheesecake usually does, but I think it would have if I hadn't tried to rush it. It still tasted really good, though! :-)

WHY IS IT.....??

• (thanks for the bullet idea, Jennifer!) Why is it that we sometimes dread things that we know will probably turn out really good?? I was dreading going to Thanksgiving this year because a family member was going to announce their pregnancy. I was dreading that. Not because I'm not happy for them, but because at the same time I'm happy for THEM, I'm sad for us. I was also dreading seeing some in-laws. They are ones that I don't usually feel comfortable around; I feel like I can't be myself. But then I got there, and is the usual way, I ended up having a great time. We laughed, I was myself, we had great food. I had no reason to dread...
• Why is it that we don't get the help we need? It's right there at our fingertips. This is AMERICA, for goodness' sake! We have so many resources! If our arm is broken, we get a cast. If a tire blows out, we get a new one. If our clothing rips (and we don't sew!), we buy new clothes. But on some things, we just refuse. I shouldn't say we "refuse" - we ACCEPT the problem as part of our routine. For instance, let's say I develop a limp. I have to buy special shoes because of it. I get tired really fast because walking is such a chore. I can't do certain physical activities, etc. And then let's say that instead of going to the doctor or specialist or naturalist or spiritualist or any other "ist" that I think MIGHT help, I just make the limp part of my routine. It becomes an extension of me; an extension of my choices during any given day. So instead of getting help, which is readily available, I just adapt to the discomfort. Why is that??
• Why is it that we forget that we need each other? I need you. You need me. And that's a good thing.

Ahhhhhhhh.......

I must admit - yesterday was a strug-gle! I was having a hard time finding the spirit of Thanksgiving. I was going to blog all about it. You know, list all of my hardships. But I decided to pray and sleep and wait for a new day. Well, this morning, I was greeted by the most beautiful sunrise! It brightened my outlook, literally and figuratively. As I got out of my car to walk into work, everything seemed to have a pink glow; the sidewalks, the trees, the grass, even the AIR. And I realized that life has struggles and life has joys. Today is going to be a day of joy. Happy Thanksgiving!

You know how you can miss someone so much it hurts? Yeah.

Caravaning to The View

Joelfre and I submitted this video to The View in an attempt to win a new Dodge Caravan AND a trip to New York! Wish us luck!
Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KELL!

You say it's your birthday?

(da da da da da DA)

It's my birthday too!

(da da da da da DA)

O, BROTHER here ART THOU!

Dana and Josh made it to Portland last night. YAY! After making fun of MY choices for a late night spot to visit (Sheri's has NEVER failed me. Well, they have, but for the point of this story, let's just SAY they haven't!), we ventured out to Doug Fir. We got our grub on with mac & cheese, onion rings, clam chowder, fish & chips, smoked salmon platter, and a root beer float. The food, as always, was very good. The service? Eh, not so much. But the best part of the evening happened way before the food. It happened before we even got seated. We were waiting patiently and there were no employees around. The phone began to ring. And ring. And ring. And...well, you get the picture. Anyway, with a gleam in my eye, I leaned over to Dana and whispered, "Brother, why don't you answer the phone?" As I suspected, he jumped at the chance. He casually leaned over the counter, picked up the phone, and calmly and professionally said, "Good evening, Doug Fir. How may I help you?" Oh my gosh!!! I laughed so hard!!! It was a customer who had been there earlier in the evening, and thought maybe he had misplaced his debit card there. Dana very politely took the guy's name and phone number and before hanging up, he said, "Ok, sir, we'll let you know if we come across it." CLASSIC Dana, right there!

Afterwards, we went to my house for cookies and conversation. It was a great evening!

PAPER TIGER

Here's a quote from someone I love & respect. It just resonated with me in light of some recent challenges we've had.

Trying to change, helping out, making calls. Then finding out suddenly
everything is ok. There's a new life. New technology. The storm is over. I am
soooooooooooo tired of the drama.

Amen!

GOOD FOR GREG!

Even with a day that was so up and down, I would be remiss if I didn't CONGRATULATE Greg on three wonderful things that happened to him today.

1.) He was approved to supervise both the car wash area AND his employees on the belt. This will, in essence, make him a full time employee, at least through the holidays.

2.) He received a $100 bonus from work. Good job!

3.) He sold several Volvo parts online today.

I APPRECIATE ALL YOUR EFFORTS, DOVEY!

YUMMMMMM

I made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies today. Yummy! I'm glad I only baked up 1/2 the dough! I wish, wish, WISH I had a digital camera to post a pic! But here's a link to the recipe I used and IT has a pic.
http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chewy-Peanut-Butter-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/Detail.aspx

I would HIGHLY recommend this recipe if you like this combination of flavors. It makes the house smell good, too! :-)

TECHNOLOGY: FRIEND and FOE

What a day! I was home sick again (2nd day in a row - sorry, Mindy!), and the phone rang. I screened it, of course. It was some random guy at some random "card services" place. So I immediately went to google and typed in the 800 # he had left. The various reports I found concerning that number were inconclusive. Some said it was a "likely" scam; others said it was a bill collecting service. Hmmmm. So I cautiously called back. I had determined that I would not give any personal information, nor would I answer anything unequivically. Call me crazazy, but I've heard that if you answer even an inane question with a yes (like "is today Wednesday?"), they can splice that into the recorded call and make it sound like you agreed to the service they are offering. (yes, I believe in conspiracy theories, unfortunately.)

So anyway, the "Card Services" guy told me that we are 4 months behind on our Visa payment. Whoa. Wait. 4 MONTHS?? I didn't even think we were ONE month behind, let alone 4!~!~ As planned, I was evasive on the phone, telling them my husband is responsible for the account and (said in a "I'm-just-a-girl" voice) I don't know anything about it, which was actually true!

Now, let me just say that Greg and I have overcome a lot of challenges in our marriage, including how the finanaces are handled. For the sake of time, space, and respect for my husband, I will just say that finances have been a source of problems in the past. HOWEVER, we have risen above and things are going well in that area. But you know how it is when something happens and it's a trigger? So after I hung up the phone, I had to really fight the urge to go down an EXTREMELY emotional path. Here was the slippery slope: Greg didn't pay the Visa bill for 4 months, he didn't tell me about it, I'm going to have to figure out a way to support myself, we'll never have a house, pets, or kids, I'm packing a bag and staying at Kelly's the rest of the week.

Whoa, Nelly!! Slow it down. Take a breath.

(breathing, breathing)

So.....Greg got home and after at least 2 hours on the phone and one trip to the bank, he figured out what happened. 4 months ago (hint), the electronic bill pay company that we use for our Visa, instituted a new policy: you have to establish a PIN for payment verifications. Greg had been making the payments every month on time. However, the company had an outdated email on file for him, so we was unaware of the PIN requirement. As a result, the company sent the payments BACK to us. Only they didn't send payments back to our current checking account so they were not on our radar. After talking with our bank, Greg discovered $1100 in an account he had closed last year. So the company not only had an old email on file for us, but they also had an old checking account of file!

The good news is, we transferred the $1100 into our current account and *PING* - just like that, we were in good standing with the credit card company.

Greg and I talked the whole thing out and all is well on the home front too.

Oh, on a totally seperate note, we got the lab results back today and Greg's sperm are alive and kickin'. Good to know, but hard to hear.

What a long day.......

THANK YOU, VETERANS

Somber day
"happy" doesn't seem right
"thank you" better, but still not
all-encompassing
& not only to those who served in war.
To my dad, who was forced to join in 62.
As a 16-yr-old.
THANK YOU

BOOK CLUB #1

We had our first book club tonight, and it was fantastic. Some of the themes we discussed were:
lucid dreams
gender expectations
out-of-body experiences
coping mechanisms
definition of living
self-analyzation

All of these sound like heavy themes, but discussed in terms of the book, they didn't seem heavy. I was afraid my comments would not be as intelligent as the others' because they are much more avid readers than I, but my fears were quickly put to rest as we just all jumped right in. It was very refreshing.

The book we are reading causes me to ask myself "what does it mean to LIVE?" I mean, fully LIVE. I have often visited this question, usually when I'm in a depression. One of the answers I've come up with is this: If you're not growing, you're dying. Therefore to truly live, one must not be stagnant. Always learn. Always seek. Always have forward motion. Yes, self-awareness and analyzation is required, and yes, it can lead to over-committing oneself, whether to events or people. However, I believe a balance can be struck. The most important thing is to realize you are not trapped. If you don't want to have a routine, mundane, "saltine" life, you don't have to. And I would argue, if you DO have a routine, mundane, "saltine" life, you just might be in a coma. Maybe it's time to open your eyes.

WHAT NEXT?

It's interesting to write on here because I never know if anyone is going to read it.

Anyway, random thought there.

Ok so I just finished a nice surprise - half a dozen Thanksgiving cards. I say "surprise" because I didn't set out to make them. I'm over at Tae-Ja's and I was going to start on my recipe books, er, Christmas presents that none of you know anything about. Yeah. That's it. Anyway, I just didn't have it in me to work on them tonight, so I started thinking about what I could use my new Diamond Glaze on (awesome product, by the way). Then it dawned on me! I have these cute little old-fashioned looking stickers that the glitter would just pop on. So I made the Thanksgiving cards. I don't make cards of any kind, especially holiday cards. I don't even SEND Thanksgiving cards. Oh well. I guess I do now.

At my party the other night, I heard myself having the most boring conversation in the world with a friend of mine. It was like an out-of-body experience. I could hear myself saying these inane things to her. But in my HEAD, I was saying, "STOP. Don't say another WORD about why your shower curtain bugs you and theories about why the rings don't fit the rod. No one cares. YOU don't even care." But I couldn't stop.

That's how I feel about tonight's blog.

I just have a general sense of boredom and I'm not sure how to cure it.........

I DID IT!!

I didn't eat last night after I posted my blog!!! I stayed up for about 15 more minutes and then went to bed! After all, it WAS midnight. I'm just so excited because I normally would have eaten something. But see that's exactly why I've tried to make the house a "no-fail zone." The sweetest convenience foods I have in the house are snack boxes of raisins. And guess what? I don't even LIKE raisins. So if I get desparate enough, I'll break into those (hasn't happened yet). I know for a FACT that if I'd had ice cream in the house last night, I would have eaten it. It's just nice to know that I can decide NOT to eat.

Ho Dee Doe Dee Doe

It's 10:49 and I'm bored. Do I eat? There's nothing on TV. Sure would like some good food right about now. There's nothing to browse online. Hmmm....just had salmon and pasta, but maybe I'll eat something. Eating out of boredom. It's always worked for me, at least on some level. But for how much longer?

Oooooh, I'm Bloggin' My Life Away!

Does anyone out there remember that Eddie Rabbit song? "I'm Drivin' My Life Away?" It reminds me of dancing on my dad's feet (on purpose!) as a little girl in the out-of-the-way bar in the out-of-the-way town we ran across on a Sunday drive. The live music was played with passion that betrayed the beleaguered faces of the band members. The floors vibrated so much that I could feel the beat through my dad's feet! I can see my sister and my mom sitting at a nearby table, eating fries and drinking pop, my sister eagerly awaiting her turn to dance with daddy. She was younger, more slight. No matter. We both loved it when daddy would go faster, faster, faster! We'd spin with joy, not a care in the world. I truly believe my love of music was solidified during those times. As a 6-year old. In a bar. Go figure.

Hmmmm....

So what do you do when you don't want to be where you are, but you don't know where you want to go?

I NEED ANOTHER DAY!

The weekend went by so quickly! But it was so fun.

Friday night: TJ, Joelf, and I went scrapbooking at Life's a Scrapbook in Sherwood. It's a really fun place to scrap and yap. As a matter of fact, I don't think TJ and I started working until about 9:00! We all just had so much to say.

Out of all the things I value, friends are at the top of my list. I am so blessed to have friends I can be honest with and they can can be honest with me. They don't judge me, but they help steer me if I'm getting off the right path. Yes, there IS a right path! Greg loves me unconditionally, Kelly allows me to be real, Tae-Ja keeps me firmly planted, and Joelfre encourages me to fly! Thank you, friends.

Ok, so it's Monday. At work. I'm trying to keep an upbeat attititude, but it's hard. For one thing, the wall clock is against me. It didn't get changed over the weekend and none of us are tall enough to change it so.........it's saying lunch is right around the corner. In reality, lunch is an hour away! Another thing that's making this positivity thing challenging today is people on the phone. Why are they so angry? Sometimes it feels like you have to leave the house with a shield and a breastplate of armor! For instance, I just had a customer call and she was so angry that her 2 WEEK ad was $13!! $13, people! So I got it down to $10 and she was just ok with it, but still surly. Well, then she was even angrier when I told her she had to prepay her ad. "I don't understand you, (pause) BUSinesses. Tsk! I don't know why you can't just (pause) TRUST people." Yikes. Is she in the real world?? It IS sad that we can't base business on handshakes and people's word. But it's reality.

So I could have used one more day to be at home, drink in the sun. Oh yeah - and clean the bathroom. (ugh)

Oh and just in case you're curious - I didn't make the woman prepay her ad! It WAS a lost pet ad - I'm not heartless!

No Longer a Blog Virgin!

Well, I've decided to join the world of bloggers. I've decided I just have too much to say! And people NEED to hear it - I mean, NEED to hear it!

This blog will be dedicated to my ramblings about the things for which I am most passionate:
Family
World Views
Singing
Food
(not necessarily in this order)

Please to enjoy...... (and if you DON'T enjoy it, please keep your opinions to yourself!)