This week has been a challenge. I have a lot of fears associated with becoming a parent. And it seems like everyone has advice. Sometimes, that's great. Other times, it's like I just want someone to listen, ya know? I have great friends and they all listen, but some people who are not as close to me, and who have good intentions, tire me out and overwhelm me with all of their advice. I knew this would happen, but it's just affecting me right now.
Greg is my rock. When I get nervous about something regarding the baby, he reminds me that God ordained this time to be THEE time for us to be pregnant. Greg reminds me that God will take care of our every need. The biggest worry on my brain right now is where are we going to live? I'm starting to have that nesting feeling that many mothers get, but I don't feel I can nest where we are because we are moving before the baby gets here. At least, that's the plan. I don't know. I just don't feel like anything is settled or calm. There is a lot of transition right now and in the months to come.
I like change. Change is good. And I feel like I'm getting closer to the Lord because I have to rely on Him more right now than perhaps I felt I had to before. I was home from work yesterday and caught Joyce Meyers on TV. I'm not a fan, per se, but I did listen to her sermon. It was all about God's love for us as individuals. She said to look in the mirror and say "God loves you." That sounds kind of "Stuart Smalley" to me, but it did stike a cord. (I didn't actually GO to the mirror, but I did say it to myself.) God loves YOU. God loves ME. So much so that he rejoices over us with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).
We have a friend whose 4-year-old daughter was just diagnosed with Leukemia. She is having to undergo chemo and the whole bit. Why do people hesitate to tell people they're pregnant before the end of the 1st trimester? I mean, bad things can and do happen all the time. Sounds pessimistic, I know. But my point is that the fact that bad things happen reiterates the point to me how much we need to cling to the One who is ultimately in control. I don't know why Carlita died at 39. I don't know why a 4-year-old has Leukemia. I don't know where we're going to live in the coming months. I don't know if I'll be able to stay home with my baby. But I do know the One who knows. And He has to be enough for me.