HEATH LEDGER

The quote read something like this, "The minute I stop having fun, I'll walk away from all of it."

That was Heath's perspective on acting. Now we find out that may have been his perspective on life. We must have more of a purpose than merely having fun. Man, and he has a 2-yr-old baby. What now?

CHECKING IN

Ok, so the weight loss, get healthy saga continues. I went into 24 Hour Fitness on Thursday to observe and see what I thought of the club. Ummmm - it's not for me. In fact, I knew this so intrinsically that I left a note for the sales rep I had been waiting for telling him thanks, but no thanks. It was just too much. Too much music. Too much black paint. Too many people. Just too much. So, off to Bally's I went.

It's official - I'm a member!!! For 3 years. At first, that scared me. But in all reality, it's going to take me at least 2 years to reach my goal weight, and then after that, I'm going to have to maintain. It's not like, oh I've lost the weight - now I can go back to my old habits. So it'll work out.

Last Monday, I weighed myself and had lost 1.3 pounds, which I was actually really happy with because that was with some not-so-great food choices. Well, this week, my weight is 299.5 so I gained 0.7 pounds back. That's ok. Not great, but ok. I didn't exercise this last week at all. I ate what I wanted at Red Robin. I had several "light" ice cream shakes. So all in all, it makes sense.

Things I will work on this week:
Work out at least M, W, & F
Maintain Daily Plate everyday
Don't eat after 9:00 p.m.

I CAN DO THIS!

BLESSED??

Wow. Greg hit some black on ice on his way to work early Monday morning and ended up hitting the guard rails on both sides of the off ramp. The car is totaled. But Greg is in good health. He had a slight headache the first day, but that decreased yesterday. He has a bruise on his neck and a cut on his leg. But I'm so happy he's ok. The morning it happened, I just kept touching his face and telling him how thankful I am that he wasn't more badly hurt.

Of course, I have to take it to the next level of analyzation. My first response is "God is good and He protected Greg." A friend of mine emailed and said "Good to know the angels are still at their posts." Another friend said "God protected him." I do believe these are all true statements. But I feel selfish claiming them. It reminds me of my mom's comments about my Aunt Jennie recovering so well from her bypass surgery: "God saw fit to see her through the surgery, God is good, etc." While all of those things are true, I just wonder about those people whose lives He DIDN'T save. I wonder about those surgeries He DIDN'T see fit to have a successful outcome. On the other hand, I want to give credit where credit is due and tell people that I thank God that Greg is still alive and well.

So I guess the crux of the issue for me comes down to why. Why does He save some and not others? Why can I claim victory and blessings when my coworker's son died of cancer on his wedding day? And aren't we blessed when He DOESN'T answer our prayers as we want?

The why questions are the worst as far as keeping me up at night. But one thing I am sure of is that God's not afraid of my honesty. He knows me. He knows I'm thinking these things anyway so I may as well say them (or in this case, type them). Also, I know He is in control and that I may never figure out "why" things happen. Maybe the only response is to just be thankful.

BOUNDARIES

So what's the line between asserting boundaries and hurting others? Whose "agenda" is more important? Tangled wires. Same goal. Disagreements. Why are they so uncomfortable? Why do we always need to be right? Why is it so hard to say sorry? Love conquers all.

TWO DOWN!

Well, ALMOST down. I'm excited to report that my friend/coworker, Mindy, is going to work out with me today. It's nice to have a buddy. Maybe I won't get as bored. She isn't available until 6:00, which is fine with me because both of the plans I had for this evening have cancelled. Poor jojo, he's sick. Get well soon, brother! And the family at church who needed meals is still in the hospital and doesn't need meals for at least a week. I rememeber when church people brought us meals during Hezzy's ordeal. What a blessing!

STATS:
Calorie intake yesterday: 1971
General feelings: 1971 is almost 400 more calories than I should have consumed. I got some news yesterday that I cannot get Lasik for at least 6 weeks. I immediately wanted to go out to eat. And I'm not talkin' salad here! I'm talking ooey gooey pasta with cream sauce, and then ice cream for dessert! But INSTEAD.....I went home, figured out how many calories I had left for dinner, and then picked something off the T Bell web site according to that balance. So THAT was a really good, educated choice. Then, I couldn't sleep. Fortunately, I have a pretty "success-inspired" pantry so the only thing I could find to eat was a pbj sandwich. But even at that, it was the late night eating that got me. So......

GOALS:
Either A) stay within my calories, or B) not eat after a certain hour.
Exercise tonight at 6:00! :-)

Thank you, Hez, for the wonderful e-card today. I appreciate everybody's support. I can FEEL it.

ONE DOWN!

I did it. I took the plunge today. I did my first work out! Yes, it's cause to celebrate. I haven't worked out for at least 2 years, since before I started taking meds for my depression. The value of one thing at a time, one day at a time is so evident to me. Thanks, Hezzy, for the encouraging card I received today. Thanks, TJ, for the encouraging e-card. That Hoops & YoYo crack me up! As I was bouncing around on the stationery bike (note to self: must invest in good sports bra), it was your collective words that got me through! :-)

So here are the stats:
weight: 300.1 pounds
caloric intake today: 1508
energy level: feels improved

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

What a fabulous trip we had to Montana! It was just the right balance of fun and relaxing. We rang in the new year by doing sort of a "progressive greeting." Allie made up a New Year's carol and we went around to different people's houses and sang and spread good cheer. I give the song to you:
We wish you a Happy New Year
We wish you a Happy New Year
We wish you a Happy New Year
and a great 0-0-8!

Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
12 months of good wishes for a great 0-0-8!